How To Stop Masturbating

Wounded Healers Community

This resource is a precursor to the 'Wounded Healers Community' addiction recovery program. A definitive e-course for overcoming sexual addictions, going live in 6 months.

The information presented here is essential reading for understanding the basics of sexual addictions in general and masturbation addiction in particular.

There's a range of helpful topics addressing important issues from; "Questions To Ask A Therapist" and "How To Lesson Problem Drinking", to "Consequences and Symptoms of Sexual Addictions", and so much more.

The page will be updated on a weekly basis

Philosophy Of The Wounded Healers Community

Our wounding and healing has to do with the past, present and future company we keep. Chiron, as described in astrology, represents the positive parts of our healing process through understanding and empathy - key aspects in the process of overcoming pain and suffering in all its guises.

In Greek mythology, Chiron the centaur was an outsider. Different from other Centaurs and therefore estranged from the ones he knew. When dealing with an addiction we often find ourselves feeling like the outsider that Chiron was; drawn to the strange and unusual fringes of society because there is an affinity which helps soothe the pain from being separated from those we love.

Our endeavours to heal ourselves through understanding and empathy, lends us the opportunity to become great teachers of both ourselves and others. It can provide a dignified platform for us to reach out and bond with people in similar situations to ours, as we have a raw connection to the human experience of emotional pain, and it is this which can offer us the strength and support needed to fight our way through to freedom and a greater happiness.

I Hope you find this page helpful and encouraging.

Chiron - Wounded Healers Community

Why don't you take five minuites and see how you fair?

If you answer "yes" to most questions, you are probably an addict and should seek further professional advice for a more accurate evaluation.
If you feel you are an addict after taking this test, please don't despair!
You are not alone.
There are 18 million sexually addicted people in the USA alone.
There is help available.

Take your time and be honest with yourself...

1. Do you lead a double life?

2. Do you have sex with people, or in places you wouldn’t usually select ?

3. Are you regretful or ashamed after you have engaged in sexual acts?

4. Are you secretive about your sexual behaviours?

5. Have you repeatedly attempted to control, or cut back your sexual acts?

6. Do you spend a lot of time engaging in your sexual acts?

7. Do you need a lot time to recover from your sexual escapades?

8. Do you avoid sexual relationships and/or touch, including touching your own body?

9. Are you afraid of being sexless, or asexual?

10. Is your personal health (diet, rest and play), suffering because of your sexual activities?

11. Do sexual thoughts and fantasies draw your attention away from what you’re doing, preventing you from concentrating?

12. Are you experiencing severe negative consequences as a result of your sexual behaviours?

13. Are your sexual behavioural patterns out of control?

14. Do you become angry, anxious, distressed and/or restless when you haven’t been able to act your sexual desires?

15. Are you regularly turned on by sexually arousing objects, images and articles in the media?

16. Do you have a pattern of being involved in destructive relationships time and again?

17. Do you turn to sexual activities and/or obsessions as your main strategy for coping with low moods, sadness, anxiety, loneliness, boredom, as a way of rewarding yourself,

when you feel inadequate, when you are overwhelmed by events, dealing with anger, resentment and stress?

18. Do your sexual acts negatively impact upon your social, work and family obligations?

19. Have you made unsuccessful attempts to stop your out-of-control sexual behaviours?

20. Do you have increased shifts in your mood when you act out?

21. Have your sexual experiences increased as you’ve needed to get a better high?

22. Does you sexual appetite prevent you from adequately carrying out your social, work and family obligations?

23. Are your finances negatively affected because of your sexual appetite?

24. Does your sexual agenda put you at risk of being arrested?

25. Does you sexual appetite prevent you from adequately carrying out your social, work and family obligations?

Cycle of Addiction

1. A Pain Agent - Beginning the Cycle of Addiction = Something (image, smell, emotion, person or event), Triggers Emotional Pain
2. Emotional Discomfort -Generated by the agent/trigger
3. Unresolved Conflict
4. Stress
5. A Need to Connect
6. Altered State
7. Disassociation
8. The Altered State
9. Behaviour
10. Time before the inevitable return to: 1. A Pain Agent

Socio-economic

Financial Problems/Debt
Inability to further career opportunities
Marital Problems in General
Separation from Spouse
Loss of Rights to Children
Severed Family Ties
Social Alienation
Objectification of the Opposite Sex
Intrusive Staring at the Opposite Sex
Physical Self-Mutilation
Risk Taking
Arrest
Suicidal Thoughts/Attempts
Physical
Eye Floaters/Fuzzy Vision
Dark Bags Under Eyes
Tinnitus
Fatigue
Erratic Sleep Patterns
Back Pain
Groin and Testicular Pain/Cramps
Pulled Muscles
Muscular Stress Knots
Thinning of Hair
Blotches on Skin
Sexual Under-Performance
Frequent Urination
Weak/Soft Erections
Premature Ejaculation
Inability to Ejaculate with a Partner
Impotence

Mental Health

Memory Loss
Poor Concentration
Depression
Low Self-Esteem/Self-Worth
Anxiety
Promotes Negative Emotions
Social Phobia/Anxiety
Stress Related Disorders
Increased Compulsive Ideas

Sexually Transmitted Diseases

Chancroid
Chlamydia
Crabs
Gonorrhea
Hepatitus
Herpes
HIV AIDS
Genital Worts
Lympogranuloma Vanereum
Molluscum Contagiosum
Nongonococcal Urethritis (NGU)
Pelvic Inflamatory Disease (PID)
Scabies
Syphilis
Vaginitus
Yeast Infections

Brain Chemicals

Can lead to over stimulation of acetylcholine/parasympathetic nervous functions, interrupting liver discharge of enzymes which sysnthesize neuro-transmitters Acetycholine, Dopamine, Serotonin, Oxytocin and Norepinephrine.

_{Recovery from any addiction is not easy. There is no magic pill. The emotional issues which contributed towards the addiction must be dealt with along, and any damage inflicted on your life has to be repaired with gradual and persistent efforts.}

Your recovery from this very personal addiction should include the following if you are to experience successful results:

1. An emphasis on learning about and understanding the brain chemistry of sexual addiction and how it effects you.
2. A systematic and practical program which focuses on re-wiring your brain chemistry.
3. Emphasis on learning how to meet your personal needs for intimacy and emotional health.
4. Therapeutic help to address the issues which fueled your addiction in the first place. It's preferred you found a therapist who has a overcome sexual addiction themselves.

How To Treat Your Addiction

Finding a therapist can be hard what ever your reasons for seeking help and having a good connection with that therapist is essential if you are to make positive ground in your recovery. With a good therapists help you will be able to make sense of and address the underlying emotional causes of your addiction.

Ideally you should find a therapist who specialises in sexual addictions and it would be even better if they have overcome the problem themselves, as they'll be able to empathise with you and more importantly provide you with a step by step program which will address all issues in a structured and timely manor. If you're finding it difficult to locate a specialist, a good starting place might be Sex Addicts Anonymous (www.saa.org) as they have a respectable database of global contacts.

The Sex Addiction specialist may well use Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) which has a proven record with addictions in general and is commonly used in treating Sexual Addictions in particular. CBT will introduce to you coping mechanisms and strategies for dealing with cravings and identifying the triggers which lead to you acting out your addiction, as well as tools to help you avoid those triggers, build motivation, confidence and assertiveness.

If you cannot find a sex addiction specialist or one that you can afford, I would recommend finding someone who can at least help you address the underlying emotional issues and then attend a sex addicts anonymous group, and/or wait until the Wounded Healers Community Addiction Recovery Program goes live within the next six months, as this course can be used in conjunction with ongoing therapy.

Making Contact

You may find it helpful asking some of the following questions of your prospective therapist. Read over the list and add or delete if you feel its appropriate. The therapist may not always answer the question, but you will get a sense of how they respond to you, even if you don't get a direct answer.

Be sure to call a healthy number of professionals and remember, this is about what's best for you, not them, so be firm and don't hold back any questions even if you think they might sound silly.

Copy and paste the questions below on to a word document and make a number of copies - one for each person you call.

Don't commit to anyone on first calling. Ask your questions and afterwards kindly thank them for their time and let them know you'll be back in touch after you've thought things over.

After you have contacted all the people on your list and assuming you're happy with a few of them, call them back to arrange a preliminary face to face interview. They may charge for this, so make a top 3 list and commit to seeing them.

During your initial session you may be asked some questions which stir your emotions, but this is normal and a good sign, as it shows that you are opening up to parts of you that you have up until now shied away from. Remember, you're not going there to have an easy time of things.

Training

1. What has been your training?
2. What qualifications have you been awarded?
3. What postgraduate training programmes have you completed?

Experience

1. How long have you been practising counselling or psychotherapy?
2. Where else have you worked besides your present position?
3. What jobs or careers have you had besides being a therapist?
4. What non-professional experiences have you had to qualify you for the work you are now doing?

Credentials

1. Are you a member of any professional organisations?
2. Which ones?
3. Are you Accredited or Registered by any professional therapy associations?
4. Have any complaints been filed against you with any professional ethics organisation?

Professional Orientation

1. How do you describe your professional orientation to therapy?
2. Which of the major schools of psychotherapy are the most attractive to you?

Competence

1. Have you treated other people with problems similar to mine?
2. How do you determine how often we should meet?
3. Can you prescribe psychoactive medications if I need them?
If not, do you work with a physician or a psychiatrist who can evaluate me and prescribed medication?
4. Are you willing to consult with other mental health or medical professionals with whom I have worked?
5. Do you consult with other professionals regarding individuals on your caseload?
6. How do you safeguard my right to confidentiality in those situations?
7. Are you willing or able to see my family members or life partner if that should seem necessary?
8. If so, can or should I be present?
9. Will you ever meet with them without my being present?
10. Have you ever been sued for malpractice?
11. If yes, What was the outcome of that lawsuit?

Business practices

1. What is your fee?
2. Is there a sliding scale?
3. If there is a sliding scale, how does it work?
4. Are you able to accept medical insurance?
5. How do you handle the paperwork?
6. Do you, or do I, have to fill out the paperwork?
7. What is your telephone availability?
8. Do you encourage or discourage telephone contact between meetings?

Personal

1. (Therpaists who overcame a sex addiction) Do You identify as being clean and sober? If so, are you in recovery?
2. Do you attend any 12-step groups?
3. What is your personal experience as a client in psychotherapy?
4. How do you feel it benefited you?

Comfort and Chemistry (questions to ask yourself after the initial meeting)

1. Did you feel understood?
2. Did the therapist understand your reason for being there?
3. Did you feel liked by the therapist?
4. Did you like the therapist?
5. Did you like his or her values?
6. Did you agree with them?
7. Did you have an initial feeling of trust in the therapist?
8. Did the therapist appear to be sensitive to your feelings?
9. Did you feel respected by the therapist?
10. Did you feel he or she was treating you as an equal?
11. Did you feel comfortable talking to this therapist?
12. Were you able to say what you wanted to say?
13. Were you able to be yourself?
14. Did you feel a need to hide anything?
15. Were you honest?
16. Did the therapist convey a feeling of personal warmth?
17. Did the therapist seem to have a sense of humour?
18. Was he or she overly serious?
19. Did you get a feeling this person was wise?
20. Knowledgeable?
21. Was he or she able to go past theories and understand the nature of the world?
22. Did he or she convey an interest in you and your reasons for being in his or her office?
23. Did the therapist make eye contact with you?
24. Was that comfortable for you?
25. Did you get any feedback from the therapist?
26. Was it helpful? Insightful?
27. Did you come away with any greater understanding of yourself than you had before the first meeting?
28. Did you disagree with the therapist at any point?
29. How did that go?
30. Was the therapist and defensive go to sleep?
31. Could he or she disagree with you in a comfortable manner?
32. Do you look forward to talking with the therapist again?

Activities & Past-Times To Consider Introducing Into Your Life

Your addiction has actually presented you with a great opportunity to improve and enhance your life. The fact is, you have to embrace change to help you through this, so start doing the things you've always wanted to do, but have always put off, for what ever the reasons. If you're passionate about something, then pursue it wholeheartedly. If you don't feel particularly passionate then do things you like the idea of doing, as you may find you have a dormant passion hiding inside one of them.

Clubs & Groups - Consider joining social clubs or groups, or even organise one yourself. Maybe you're interested in:
Yoga
Tai Chi
Martial Arts
Cycling
Public Speaking Skills
Running
Making Music and/or playlists for friends
Cooking
Cards
Reward yourself with Guilty Pleasures
Board Games
Drawing
Creative Writing
Chess
Swimming
Meditating
Reading
Handcraft Hobbies
Languages
On-line Courses
Evening Classes
Learn a Trade - Carpentry, Bricklaying
Become a Community Warden
Outdoor Activities like Rowing, walking or hiking
Volunteer you time to a worthy cause
Self-Help groups

Cooking - Learn to enjoy the process of looking for good healthy recipes, shopping for the ingredients and preparing
something amazing for yourself or Friends.

Exercise - The more you do, the better you'll feel. The Surgeon General advises at least 30mins of exercise a day and if you're
not sweating, you're not doing enough. When we exercise:
We will look better!
We will feel better about ourselves.
We feel more confident.
Our clothes fit and look well on our trim figures.
Our muscles are stronger, and consequently hold our bones in correct alignment, thus relieving pain in joints and back.
Our bones are stronger because of exercise, lessening the possibility of osteoporosis.
We can more readily maintain a proper weight, especially when we combine a healthy diet with exercise.
We build a good metabolism which can deflect the possibility of adult onset diabetes.
The reduction of body fat can lower blood pressure.
We can ease the flow of blood and lower cholesterol levels which can reduce the possibility of heart attack.

Household Chores - Keeping a clean and organised home environment will greatly improve clarity of thought and general functionality. You'll feel better and will be able to relax better than in a messy, cluttered environment.

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“Alcohol doesn't console, it doesn't fill up anyone's psychological gaps, all it replaces is the lack of God (however you conceive him to be). It doesn't comfort man. On the contrary, it encourages him in his folly. It transports him to the supreme regions where he is master of his own destiny”.

Marguerite Duras

Sexual addictions often co-exist with alcohol and chemical abuse, misuse and/or dependency, however, the degree to which someone uses drugs and/or alcohol varies from person to person.

From a personal standpoint, I tended to use drugs and alcohol in a number of situations with varying degrees on intensity from; giving me confidence when socialising, to escaping from the world as well as heightening and intensifying the fantasy and orgasm when acting out.

My use of drugs and alcohol made it difficult for to me work out where to start in the process of healing myself, so I decided to work on what I felt I could handle and what was easiest to control.

Since it was easier for me to sever contact with dealers than it was for me to sever contact with myself and local shops and bars where I could get a drink, I started with the drugs.

My relationship with alcohol was harder to manage because it was easily accessible, so I started with the basics.

Here are some simple strategies you can try to reduce your alcohol intake which I have listed below. Which approach is best for you will obviously depend on the nature of your relationship to drinking.

Whether you're a heavy drinker or not, reducing, or stopping entirely will take effort and determination. It will be difficult, but I assure you, the payoff is well worth the payback.

Coping Strategies For Problematic Drinking

- Try to drink alcohol on specific days each week, not every day. By developing a routine of say, only having a drink with a meal, you can introduce a positive habit which will help keep you out of the cycle of drinking on a regular basis.
- For every drink you have, drink 3-4 times as much water. This will quench your thirst, dilute the high and lessen your desire to consume more alcohol as you'll be uncomfortable from the bloating.
- If you do drink alcohol, drink slowly by taking sips and putting the glass down between those sips.
- Eating before drinking allows the alcohol to absorb more slowly, therefore reducing the intensity of the high.
- Avoid getting in rounds with friends and co-workers. If you do take part, ask for a non-alcoholic drink instead along with a pint or so of water before and during drinks. You can also leave early.
- Don't let people top up your drinks - it's harder to keep track of how much you have had. Be strong!
- Avoid eating potato chips, nuts and the like, as the high salt content makes us more thirsty.
- Avoid drinking high alcohol content beers
- Consider changing your social agenda entirely, especially if it centers around bars and drinking where the peer pressure to drink might be high. Seriously consider this if your friends are hardcore drinkers.
- Designate yourself as the "dry driver" if you're going out with friends. The responsibility of taking care of your friends should be a strong enough to put you right off drinking. If you don't feel you can handle that, then don't offer.
- Suggest to friends the idea of having a meal instead of visiting the same old bar.
- Meet up with friends later than usual so you can avoid the long drawn out nights which see you drink that much more.
- Start doing things in your life which focus around physical activities. If you can begin to enjoy having a healthy, clean, and strong, body and mind, you'll be less willing to pollute it with alcoholic toxins and the staggering amount of calories that alcohol holds.
- Keep less alcohol in your home, or non at all.
- Think of the money you can save by cutting back, or stopping entirely. It might be a cliché, but its true non-the-less.
- Why not reward yourself with something from the money you save? If you get into working out, you could buy a home set of cast iron weights and bench for around £100 (US$150).

Help For Problematic And Dependant Drinking

If your drinking is more problematic then consider the following suggestions:

- Accept you have a problem which needs to be addressed.
- Consider telling close family and friends as their support can be invaluable at this difficult time.
- Go to your doctor as they will be able to help determine an appropriate course of action for you. They might also prescribe a detox program geared to reducing your intake and withdrawal symptoms over the course of a week, if circumstance suits.
- Join an Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)Group. Being around a group of peers can prove invaluable at a time when you feel vulnerable and alone. - You will also be allocated a "friend" who you can call on in times of need, if you do not have friends or family to support you.
- Consider Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) which will help you adjust the way you think, feel and behave towards alcohol and drinking. As mentioned in the Questions for Therapists list, addressing underlying causes to your problem is an essential aspect of overcoming any addiction.
- Consider a specialist treatment centre if you do not have close friends and family to help support you. Again, discuss all options with your doctor, as well as with AA members.

In the event you return to using alcohol, don't give up there. Try and learn from the mistakes and start over again. Keep moving forward, however difficult it may be.

Consider the words of Thomas Edison:

"I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward"